Stalking: When Obsession Turns Dangerous

Stalking is a serious crime that affects millions of individuals each year. January marks the 21st annual National Stalking Awareness Month and is the perfect opportunity to educate ourselves and our communities. Stalking is more than just unwanted attention; it’s a pattern of behavior that significantly disrupts the victim's lives, leaving them fearful, isolated, and emotionally drained. Research shows stalking is often the precursor to other acts of violence, including homicide and sexual assault. This month, we reaffirm our commitment to empowering victims, promoting safety, and advocating for justice.

What Is Stalking?

Stalking is defined as a pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for their safety or suffer substantial emotional distress. This pattern typically involves two or more incidents and can manifest in numerous ways, such as:

• Unwanted communication through phone calls, texts, or social media.

• Sending unwanted gifts.

• Monitoring a person’s movements or activities.

• Showing up uninvited to a victim’s home, workplace, or other locations.

• Damaging property or the victim's reputation by spreading harmful rumors.

  
  

Stalking is deeply contextual; actions that may seem harmless to outsiders, such as sending a bouquet of flowers, can be deeply distressing to a victim, especially when tied to an abusive or obsessive relationship. Unfortunately, the majority of stalking victims are targeted by someone they know like a current or former intimate partner, acquaintance, or family member. Stalking and intimate partner violence are deeply interconnected, with abusive partners who stalk being significantly more likely to follow through on threats of harm and use weapons to assault their victims. Recognizing stalking as a critical warning sign is essential to protecting victims and preventing further harm.

The Impact of Stalking: A Survivor’s Story

Consider the story of Emily, a young woman in her twenties who experienced stalking by her significant other’s former partner. The perpetrator began by sending Emily threatening and demeaning messages, attacking her character, intelligence, and looks. When Emily blocked the perpetrator's number and social media accounts, they created multiple fake profiles and phone numbers to continue their harassment. When Emily ignored them, they began contacting Emily’s friends and family to gather personal information about her and spread malicious rumors.

The situation escalated when the stalker showed up unannounced in Emily’s local area despite living several states away and began driving by Emily’s home, an act caught on video by her Ring doorbell. The stalker’s relentless behavior caused significant emotional distress for Emily, impacting her daily life and causing her to feel unsafe in her own space. Emily changed her routines, avoided social media, put up additional cameras and lived in a constant state of anxiety. She feared the obsessive individual, known for volatile outbursts and impulsivity, would eventually snap and physically harm her or someone she loved.

Initially, Emily felt too embarrassed and overwhelmed to share her experiences. But as the situation became more severe, she reached out to law enforcement, filed a police report, and set up directed patrols to monitor her home. Taking these steps helped Emily reclaim some semblance of safety and stability. She describes the moment as transformative, saying, “For the first time in a while, I felt like I could breathe again. I wasn’t powerless anymore. I refuse to let someone else's behavior define my life” Her courage to take action sent a clear message that the stalking would not be tolerated. Emily's decision to fight back is a powerful reminder that victims can regain control of their lives and find hope by speaking out and seeking help.

What to Do if You Are a Victim of Stalking

If you believe you are being stalked, here are steps you can take to protect yourself:

1. Trust Your Instincts: If something feels wrong, it likely is. Take your fear seriously.

2. Change Your Routine: Use different routes to work or school, switch up where you shop, and avoid patterns that make it easy for someone to track you.

3. Involve Your Network: Let trusted friends, family, and coworkers know about your concerns. Develop a code word to alert them if you’re in danger. Share information about the stalker’s appearance, vehicle make and model, or license plate with neighbors, your landlord, or a neighborhood watch group.

4. Strengthen Home Security: Install deadbolts, window locks, and visible security cameras.

   Keep curtains closed and turn on random lights to give the impression that someone is always home. Use bells or chimes at entrances and exits for added awareness or get a dog.

5. Work with Law Enforcement: File a police report and obtain a protective order. You can also ask for directed patrols around your home to increase security.

6. Protect Your Digital Privacy: Block the stalker on all platforms, update passwords, and be cautious about sharing personal information online, including your location.

7. Do Not Engage: Avoid responding to the stalker. Engagement can escalate their behavior.

8. Document Everything: Keep a log of every incident, including dates, times, locations, and descriptions of the stalker’s behavior. Save evidence like texts, emails, and voicemails.

   
   

Supporting a Loved One Experiencing Stalking

If someone confides in you about being stalked, your response can make a critical difference. Here’s how to help:

• Believe and Validate: Acknowledge their feelings and validate their fear. Say, “That sounds frightening; I’m here for you.”

• Focus on the Stalker’s Behavior: Avoid questioning the victim’s actions. Instead, highlight that the stalker’s behavior is unacceptable.

• Encourage Action: Suggest documenting incidents and exploring resources while respecting their choices.

• Respect Privacy: Keep their information confidential and avoid sharing it without consent.

  
  

A Message of Hope

Stalking is a hateful crime that thrives in silence. For every survivor like Emily, there are countless others who need encouragement and support to find their voice. By raising awareness and supporting victims, we can help promote a culture of safety, compassion, and justice. If you or someone you know is experiencing stalking, know that help is available. For more information and resources, visit SPARC (Stalking Prevention, Awareness, & Resource Center).