Unheard Wounds

There are few things more devastating than finding the courage to speak the truth, only to be met with doubt, dismissal, or blame. Survivors of abuse often face this exact betrayal when they come forward. Instead of safety and support, they’re met with skepticism. The harm caused by abuse is compounded when the people around a survivor refuse to believe them.

That disbelief is not random. According to survivor advocacy studies, false reports of domestic or sexual violence are extremely rare—estimated at only 2 to 10 percent. Yet survivors are often treated as if lying is the norm.

We’re taught to look for bruises before we believe. If there’s no broken bone, no police report, no restraining order, then the abuse must not be real. But emotional, psychological, financial, and verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical violence. The scars just happen to be harder to see.

Abuse is often minimized as “relationship problems,” “communication issues,” or “a rough patch.” Survivors are told to stay, to work it out, to keep the peace. This is especially true in communities where gender roles are rigid and relationships are idealized. But “for better and for worse” was never meant to include abuse.

The reasons people don’t believe survivors are complex, but they often boil down to discomfort and denial. Believing someone was abused, especially by someone we know or admire, forces us to confront uncomfortable truths. Sometimes, it’s easier for others to protect their worldview than to protect the person standing right in front of them. But what’s truly uncomfortable is a culture that protects abusers while expecting victims to stay silent for the sake of appearances.

Survivors hear phrases like, “It couldn’t have been that bad,” or “Maybe you’re exaggerating.” These responses are dismissive and dangerous. They reinforce the same dynamics that allow abuse to continue: secrecy and shame. Survivors who aren’t believed eventually stop reaching out. They begin to question their own experiences. They stay longer in unsafe situations or retreat into isolation, thinking no one will ever understand.

Not only does the fear of not being believed keep survivors silent, but speaking out can also ignite a wave of retaliation from the person who harmed them. Abusers rely on silence to protect their image. When a survivor begins using their voice, it’s not uncommon for them to receive taunting messages, thinly veiled threats, or other sly attempts to discredit them. These efforts often show up in comment sections or inboxes—reminders that they are being watched, that they’ll never truly escape. Some abusers may even threaten to sue for defamation or libel, weaponizing the legal system as a form of control. These threats are rarely about truth, they are about punishment. They are meant to drain survivors emotionally, mentally, and financially. Tragically, some abusers may resort to violence when intimidation fails.

This kind of retaliation is a powerful silencing force. Many survivors stay quiet not because they don't want to tell the truth, but because they aren’t safe enough to. Safety must come first. Survivors often wait to speak about their experiences until they have distance, support, and healthy coping skills in place. Its simply out of self-preservation.

To the survivor who isn’t believed: your story matters. What happened to you was real. People may try to rewrite your truth, but you are not responsible for their discomfort. You are allowed to speak, to grieve, and to rebuild. Healing is still possible even if validation never comes from the people you hoped it would.

If you’re struggling to be believed:

• You are not obligated to share or defend your story with anyone who has not earned the right to hear it.

• Document what you can. Save texts, emails, journals, and photos. Your truth deserves to be protected.

• Find a trauma-informed therapist who validates your experience without minimizing it.

• Seek out support groups or survivor networks. There is strength in being witnessed by others who understand.

Believing survivors should be the default, because when we doubt the abused, we protect the abuser. Disbelief also emboldens abusers, who may feel validated or protected by a culture unwilling to hold them accountable. This is why public awareness, education, and trauma-informed responses are so critical.

If you’re reading this and your voice has been ignored or denied, know this: every time you speak, even if your voice shakes, you reclaim a piece of yourself they tried to take away.

Dare to heal out loud.